I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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