But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude. I can hear the air.
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