He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
