he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
