I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
