Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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