OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
