Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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