Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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