This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize