Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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