When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Boobs are out for the taking
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
