Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
