no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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