I could make wine with my vomit
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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