I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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