I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
