I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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