you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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