oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
