They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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