i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
