wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
