just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He shit in the fireplace
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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