C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
