If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
