Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize