I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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