I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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