even my farts smell like vagina
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
