Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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