hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
