She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
