Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
