I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
