you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
