you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
