Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
