apparently the secret to your success is patron
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
