I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
