I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Green mimosas i think yes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
