If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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