i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
