Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
