I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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