we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize