For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
