had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
