I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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