I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
