he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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