Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
