It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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