youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
