you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
