Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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