She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
