Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
false alarm. still invincible.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
