I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
