dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
