We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
