Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
