Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
