so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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