Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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