what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
