I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
