): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
